The software which tracks our website says that one of it’s all-time most popular posts was our condensed version of the Buena Vista Star Wars book/record set. Remarkably, the set sold well even though Buena Vista did not license the original voices and cast it’s version with even hammier actors who had apparently not even seen the film.
I assume it sold well because you still see them around pretty often, and because Buena Vista wet it’s beak at the Star Wars fountain a few more times, notably by producing similar renditions of each of the original sequels.
Back for the first of the sequels is Buena Vista’s kick-ass Han Solo, as well as Daphne from their version of Scooby Doo, playing the role of Princess Leia. It seems like they had seen the movies this time around, although some of the best lines are still fudged.
Return of the Jedi is a far better project, even if Admiral Ackbar’s famous line is given to Lando. What a disappointment, because Buena Vista probably could have found a sweet Admiral Ackbar.
One thing better cast in Return of the Jedi is Darth Vader – I’m pretty sure it’s Michael Dorn the actor most famous for playing Wharf on Star Trek. At the time of Return of the Jedi he was still playing Jebediah Turner on CHiPS. How in God’s name do I know that? My brother made me watch CHiPS whenever it was on. Anyway you can listen and tell me if you think Jebadiah Turner was moonlighting as Darth Vader. Somebody out there must give a shit.
And by the time they got to Return of the Jedi somebody must have finally realized how absurd the project was and so the actors’ dialogue was kept to a bare minimum. Too bad, because once you slice out the narrator as much as possible you get a pretty great version of the story, or at least one that sounds fantastically like two eight-year-olds acting it out.
So here for your enjoyment is the amateur cast of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi:
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