Dogs vs Cats

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(“I Love my Dog” by Cat Stevens)

Personally, we always thought it was weird that a guy named Cat recorded a song about his dog on his very first album.  We’re not the smartest business people in the world, but we do know enough to tip our hat to this genius who dipped his toes into each market.

And in the end, are we really either dog people or cat people?  And my goodness, does anybody out there remember Cat People?  That movie was spooky and it still gives us the ookies!  Dog People, on the other hand, was just gross.*  Oof.

(* We only made up one of these)

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(“I’ll Take the Dog” by Jean Shepard and Ray Pillow)

Seriously, I’ll take any abuse that comes our way for the following statement:  Dogs are better than cats.  How much do cats suck?  So much that I would take a dog, ths stupidest, slobberiest, smelliest dog, over a cat that could do my taxes.  I would rather have a dog than a cat that pooped dollar bills.

The only exception I make is for George Herriman’s Krazy Kat.  And a dead cat named Cool Hand Luke.  I’d like to see him again.  And for the fact that Garfield will be in 200,000,000 newspaper tomorrow.  Holy hoppin’ Christ that’s a lot of newspapers!

I feel like it’s easier to recollect a cat than to spend time with one, because they don’t improve your day to day life.  On the other hand, it’s impossible to remember a dog any other way because his lifetime becomes an era of your own lifetime – the Vader era, the Beeker era.  Currently we are all living in the Irene era.  Dogs become a meaningful part of your life, whereas cats are more like appliances.

And since we’re probably losing all our readers who are cat lovers, we want to say that cats are like appliances that don’t come with a warranty, are sometimes already in the house when you bought it, and never once – even once – do something as useful was washing the dishes and laundry or heating the water.

But there is something clever about our cats. Sometimes it seems like they know something we don’t…

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(“Some Cats Know” by Peggy Lee)

But we love them.  We’m guilty of cat petting and even sometimes cat snuggling.  Fuckers – they trick you into it.  Dogs still win (there’s no contest!).  Sure, there’s some terrible songs about dogs – notably “Old Shep” by Red Foley, absolutely the worst song ever recorded by Elvis Presley, and that’s saying a lot. Even the worst songs are better than the Cat People soundtrack.
And on the cat side there’s…

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(“Everybody Knows this is Nowehere” by Neil Young)